Results were overall good. But when I check the 2nd column, my heart dropped and could not dwell with accepting what I saw and heard. Apparently, I flunked the same subject. I knew I was disappointed but I have not reacted. I said oh God in my heart so many times, I pray for a chill.

Yeah, I was definitely cool about it. Somehow I stood and stunned, I didn’t know what to do. Chill, I manage to stand strong until my classes ended at 7pm. Thank God I did not allow my weary heart to take over my energy level. I did well in class, was excited for the new course, friends, I was pretty alert and answered excellently. However, clearly I knew my heart cried because I wasn’t prepared for failure.

It’s alright, because it is just one happening. If I can get over a series of unfortunate events like last year, why can’t I stand strong now? I found the tearstained post again… and remembered God’s faithfulness.

During the other time I failed that subject, I cried. I did because I knew I will fail. I did because I was prepared to cry. My heart was prepared for all that. And I was strengthened so so much that I cried, because I felt the concern and care from everyone including our Heavenly Father.

I don’t have to go through hard times to get closer to God. Because not only on good times we thank God, we need to send gratitude to Him even when we were down in the drain. It’s easy to trust God when everything is good, even easier to blame Him when the situation turns bad.

If I were to retake the subject again, it will be my own fault. I knew I’ve tried harder, perhaps not enough. So, this time, not only I will try harder, but do the best I could. I shouldn’t have my heart overtake my head, to reckon that I will pass tremendously. This time, not emotionally, but be willingly strong as well. I will need to have the will to fight over and over again, for I can never underestimate the trial.

I will go through hard times, I will have bad days. Some will be minor, spill-a-Coke-on-your-shirt day. But other days will be emotionally draining. Even when I can’t see it, but the fact is… through my weakest moments, God is still close.

Every night before I closes my eyes, I would say, “Goodnight God.” I smiled. I’ve learned I can find good things in everyday. Some contain bad experiences, but every day is a gift, that’s why we called it the present.

Yesterday night wasn’t a tough one. I slept peacefully without much coughing and nose block. My weary heart aroused. But after the entire day of running here and there, I was physically worn out. I was so tired I switched off my cell phone and just doze off. I am clear that my heavenly father will arrange the blanket of comfort for me, therefore I can have a great rest without a heavy heart.

We all have days like this, don’t we? Oh, just remembered to get our emotional alarm fixed, okay?

Isaiah43:1b-3a
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

God promised to be with me when I felt overwhelmed. He will not let my spirit overwhelm me too much, that I could not step forward. When I go through hard times, I will not be burnt out as well.

a special prayer

Oh God, there are times I feel overwhelmed. It seems that life is one trial after another, and I just keep failing! Help me to get through these times, Father, and remind me that You are always there, no matter what. I’m desperate for You. Just hold me close! In your son most precious name I pray, Amen.

We will trip and stumble, but that will not make us fall. God gives us strength and hope. Many angels God has sent, they all have given me dosages of antidote.

The unexpected pot of Chinese herbs from my neighbor, the day before I collect my results.
The SMSes that encourages me before I collect results.
The unexpected cup of soya bean from Yan Feei, the time after I checked my results.
The 2nd lunch meet up with my good friends from my foundation year.
The unexpected offer from Sam and Caryn to patiently lined-up for the class replacement queue, while I had my Interface Design class.
The wonderful ladies which arranged my replacement classes.
The unexpected, loving, plus encouraging calls and SMSes from so many people after knowing my trouble.
Another unexpected bowl of chrysanthemum tea from Pei Sia, this early morning, before I came home and written this post.

All these are the angels God has sent. They are all beautiful and lovely. Amen I say.

My angels, I am here to assure you, I’m alright. All I need from you is a hug and telling me “Dearie, you’re alright.” I don’t want all the “You’ve done good enough“, “I’m proud of you” etc. I just want a hug and.. “Girl, it’s alright.“