i didn’t know when did it started. but i knew it was because of granny, everybody in the family talks… loud. hearing aid, you’d understand.

all the time, i do not felt belonged to the family. was it because our love languages weren’t accurately met? i supposed is beyond than that. am i drawing a distant amongst one another? despite how much we look alike, there’s not much consensus.

oh never mind that, i eventually denied the negativity, and went for granny’s 80th birthday celebration. i had my 6-year-old sister, Kor Xin, tuck right in my arms when we traveled.

just like what i did during Chinese New Year. i say a little prayer, took a deep breath in, breathed out. then, without feeling insecure, i offered my warmest hug to my relatives. some were stunned, some were eventually responsive.

here’s one of my favourite cousin sister, Pui Yee.

and baby 信宇，he has got longer eye lashes than i do! each time he fell on the ground, he’d stand up on his own. the cute little fellow runs to me every time he sees me, and hugs tightly onto my thighs. koala, hehe… look how he’d smile for the camera!

迷你寿包，呵呵…

here’s granny and (most of) her children.

according to my calculation throughout the night, she have 2 sons and 8 daughters in total. my mum is number 5 among the girls. i don’t know all their names, even mum couldn’t number her siblings.

here’s a picture of granny and my childhood playmates. my brother Chow Yang on the left, cousins Wai Hong & Pui Yee, to the right.

before granny took this picture with her grandsons and granddaughters, she called very loudly…

“阿梅嘅女係边渡？”

she repeatably called for Mui’s daughter. everybody laughed, thinking she must be blur and started showing her that Kor Xin is actually standing right in front of her. while i stood at the back, quiet and forcing out a gentle smile. “actually, it wasn’t too hard. it’s alright.” i whispered in my heart.

then to my surprise, i realized… she’s calling for me. nobody acknowledged that, but it’s alright, grandma knew, i know, God knows. the feeling of being called and needed, is seriously… warm and fuzzy =)

就在那一刻，也只有外婆和慧敏知道那种温馨的感觉。

我也是，第一次感觉…外婆其实是很疼慧敏的。

还是很大声地喊了一声，“外婆，生日快乐！”