storybook

i feel like letting out the tears that i have been storing for days, but being the usual me… i am not talented in letting them out, haha.

being away for university orientation for many days, i am back with flu and fever, and full of emotions. however, i decide to set aside many of my unaccomplished work, but to write this blog, and i am dedicating it to you whom i love.

throughout this half a year, i guess many of you known that i have been through quite an amount of ups and downs, nevertheless i am ever more blessed with plentiful of growth, and being showered with overflowing love and grace. i discovered the need for me to count my blessings, so i do not forget the goodness that’s been brought forth from God.

Proverbs 30:7-9
7 “Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the LORD ?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

God always give me the right amount of blessing. whenever i am ready, he keep them coming, so i would be more productive in handling my blessings. whenever i am down, he sprinkles them like fairy dusts, every here and there, so i could feel the magical feeling of being loved, even in the midst of me feeling lonely and discouraged.

about 1-2 months ago, i started writing my “bucket list”, and one of the 100 things i wanna do before i die, is to complete my studies in uni. in just a glimpse of time, here i am… officially started schooling in uni. i am offered a position to further study in the faculty of Film and Video, and i will complete my 3-years Diploma in ASWARA (National Arts, Culture and Heritage Academy).

the nerd in me.

many asked why didn’t i do a Degree, in 3 years time when i obtain my Diploma, i’ll be 25 years OLD! honestly speaking, i couldn’t think of a better answer to that question than… “hey, i believe just God knows the best timing”.

speaking of the opportunities to concentrate in studies, i missed out most of them. in year 2005 when i was studying in The One Academy, i was greatly distracted by the financial struggles that my family faced. i did not regret making the decision to be deferred from my studies, but the waiting for another opportunity makes me quite nervy. i took a time span of 3 years to obtain a scholarship and arranged credit transfer to another college, but as i happily prepared for college, the place closed down.

with the scholarship, i knew God made me hopeful, but right at that time… i am the one whose not ready to receive the blessing of getting back to school. i was greatly challenged… spiritually, mentally and emotionally. the month of January is entirely drowned with tears and sorrow, but making the decision to be surrendered and let go of an unhealthy relationship, tremendously relieved my burdened and wounded heart.

ever since, i have never been so grateful for the gift of being a single.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

with my support group, and many truthful buddies, friends, and listeners… i am able to pick up, and get back on the right track. with God’s amazing power, i knew i am able to be healed, but without me knowing that it could actually happen so swiftly :’)

in this half a year, i am able to focus on my mission, and in fact, this is the year where most my best friends and family have witnessed my life being a Christian. in this half a year, i learn that i have gained more than that i have lost. especially those unexpected friendship that have blossomed throughout the journey. i hope without naming, you know who you are, but you might not know that you’re always the ones that i gave thanks to God, at most of the time.

with a God who looks at me like a precious pearl, i am not ashamed of admitting my faults, or my shortcoming. with you whose Godly and teaching me all about righteousness, i am not ashamed of exposing my pasts to the light. to you whom have rebuked my foolishness, you are truly noble instruments of God. i apologize for the times i make your heart bleeds and aches.

to you whom i have betrayed your trust, thank you for continuing the walk with me. all the more holding firm to my arms, and definitely my heart and spirit. seriously, i do not know how to express my gratitude, other than making wise decisions, and always remember that i do not want to hurt you a second chance.

with you who never failed to give me assurances, i am able to be myself in front of you. i can put down my defense, smile widely, naturally, beautifully and even cry in front of you.

sometimes, i thank you for tolerating my nonsense.

with you who have silently prayed and fasted for me… and for you who have been the background people who cared and concerned. i knew there you are, right there, faithfully trusting in God, and sincerely pouring your love support for me.

for friends and people whose not too close to me, it hurts me every single time when a negative remark is given, without first making sure what you assumed is true and reasonable. it scars me every label you have tagged on me, and every insults you have hurled. it beats me, but little that you know, the discouragement that you have brought upon, is not enough to make me stop loving you.

to you whom i fail to list down your names, do not be discouraged, for you know that i have loved you for the way you are. for every effort that you have poured to complete my broken heart, i remember them.

thanks to everyone of you, i feel very loved; and God is always worthy of praise and remembered.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

before i go, i share with you a composition, whom i fell deeply in love with.