storybook

昨晚，一边剪辑着孩子们献给妈妈的祝福语，一边感觉怪怪的…应该，从那时候，我把心给封闭了。
这天，我起得早，准备着教会欢庆母亲节的事务。在空荡荡的客厅里头忙碌的同时，我不时地想着不同的人…我的干妈妈、丽萍的妈咪、俊明的妈咪…那些视我为自己孩子的，别人的母亲，那些疼爱着我的人，那些我想念的人，那些我将会遇见的人…还有…我心目中的母亲，其实…是爸爸吧？我顿时惊觉…妈咪呢？怎么，我不想妈咪？
尝试把昨天封锁的心给掏出来，很想打电话，很想写封简讯，很想说声“母亲节快乐”，但却不知道意义何在。简简单单五个字，但…接下去，我该写啥？我该说什么？我可否像那些影片里的孩子们，感谢着母亲无微不至的关怀，感恩着她无比的牺牲、教导、支持、思念…
其实，我真的，打从心底，很羡慕…我也很想要拥有这么一段不可思议的感情。
这是我藏在心里的小秘密…应该是从中学时期开始吧？我一直梦想着，我要嫁个家庭美满的男生，为求补足家庭破碎的童年。至少，以后当孩子们问道，我们可以向公公婆婆巩固的感情看齐。但现在，我不憧憬这么样的童话故事啦，因为…我非常肯定，神会照料着这一切。而我，并不需要顾虑太多。
写着写着，原来，我们从未一起庆祝过母亲节。难怪这节日是如此地陌生，也如此地感伤。
想着想着，我觉得心很痛。
说实在，没能接到她的生日祝福，其实心里，很不是滋味。朝阳生日时，也是若无表示，算挺公平的吧？连续几年啦，妈咪忘了吗？我想，当她没接到我的母亲节祝福，其实她心里，也不好受吧？简讯，我还是乖乖地写了。她的生日，我还是会陪她过。母亲，我还是想念的。
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那以后，我会是个怎么样的母亲呢？

its been a few weeks, i came to this bottleneck where… i struggled big time completing one of my Bahasa assignment — Script Writing. i am writing a script based on my limited knowledge and observations of friendship, and children, and the Malaysian culture. felt kind of a big let down after i tried showing [...]

i feel like letting out the tears that i have been storing for days, but being the usual me… i am not talented in letting them out, haha.
being away for university orientation for many days, i am back with flu and fever, and full of emotions. however, i decide to set aside many of my [...]

“When you’re young everything feels like the end of the world.
But it’s not; it’s just the beginning.
You might have to meet a few more jerks,
but one day you’re gonna meet a boy
who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Like the sun rises and sets with you.”

pardon me for my dramatic blog title. but… i have made a bold decision to say goodbye to my love, and i think it is only fair that i convey my love and last words. until… i see it in another 2 months time.
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my Ramli darling, goodbye.
HA-HA.
i actually just made the silliest yet bold decision [...]