we’re coming to the end of my second semester in uni, which means… i am finishing my first year studies in no time :) to make sure i have no record of being barred from exam, i went to see the facilitator of the film faculty… so he could sign my letters of absent, especially for that long week of leaving to Jakarta. if i don’t get this settled, i’ll get warnings for being absent for more than 3 times.

upon visiting his office, he told me, he had a letter for me. i went… “huh? my letter? what’s that? why is it with you?” feeling so confused and perplexed… have i done anything wrong? Encik Ya mischievously replied… “is a warning letter, your performance is poor for this semester.”

my jaw fell out of place. like… i knew it, i knew i didn’t perform well… oh no…

he threw the letter in my hands, and upon opening it…

yeah, so… that was for my birthday. his acting skills are so good, my heart almost sank (T__T)

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that was for my first semester, 8 subjects, 1 exemption, 3.64 CGPA .

however… it is true enough, i didn’t do well for this 2nd semester… i’m having 2 core subjects, 5 major subjects, and 2 elective subjects. 2 out of 9 will be assessed in Bahasa Malaysia… and that hits right on my weak spot.

it was pretty difficult to juggle 9 subjects in a timetable, i often have lectures from day to night time, and that itself, drains plenty of my energy. knowing that i have very short attention span (maximum 1 hour)… for many times, i fall asleep during lectures, especially the Bahasa hours… so i gradually developed the habit of eating in class. stretch, massage, toilet break… don’t seem to work at all. so, eating became my only refuge.

then, i went through this period of time… where i performed badly multitasking between my studies, spirituality and freelance. i have to deliberately control myself from saying “yes” too quickly, because i know i have problem drawing boundaries, and i just can’t handle too much.

plus… from the beginning of the semester, i am already “defeated” by the fact that… i won’t do well in all my Bahasa subjects. i won’t fail to fall asleep during every Bahasa lecture. can’t help it… but i’ve shown improvement about 2 months later or so… and slowly picking up physically… so later part of the lectures, i took more notes and able to listen better.

last semester, i think having 7 subject is hectic, thank God that i am being exempted from English lectures. but now, having 9 subject is crazy… i salute my classmates like Boon, i think he is considering breaking the ASWARA-students-record-of-taking-the-most-subjects-in-your-uni-years… i can’t measure up to beating his record of multitasking and superman-ing, and have already felt suffocated for the many things to run.

let’s see one of my submission for assessment purposes…

perspective drawing for my double-storey model house.

final product of my miniature house, i love the roof!
look in to the depth of my windows :) so proud of all the patience and sleepless nights being spent.

this set modeling was submitted. one of my most confident subject.

i remember vividly… upon structuring this model… i had muscle ache and back pain after the first half of the day. then, giving attention to this model for another 2 nights, i think i strained myself a lil’ over, to the point i felt this… stress on my shoulders and i had stiffed neck. for a lightning instance, i thought to myself, “am i having a stroke/heart attack?” during the split second, it felt as if time has frozen, and my heart is not beating anymore.

after being frightened of experiencing that…

i knew i can’t give fair attention to all my 9 subjects… i am announcing and preparing myself… to fail 2 electives. giving up these 2 exam, instead of failing with poor results… is the last resort, so i can focus on all my major subjects, which are so much more urgent. before making this decision, i felt heavyhearted as in to give up my 3.5+ CGPA, but after i decided… it actually lifted so much burden from my shoulders. it is not the wisest, but at least it relieves my stress.

so… up to date…

Core Subjects:

• Wayang Kulit (performance DONE! folio + report DONE!)
• Bahasa Melayu (assignment DONE! assessments DONE! exam 17th May)

Major Subjects:

• Production Design (submissions DONE!) confident!
• Cinematography (practical exam DONE! written exam coming soon)
• Writing Theory (presentation DONE! script submission. exam 18th May)
• Editing (written exam 18th May, practical exam coming soon) confident!
• Sound (practical exam 25th May) confident!

Elective Subjects:

• Digital Media (gave up)
  
• Keyboard (gave up)

things come to a change among the days while we were in Jakarta, i signed up for the visit to the Pedongkelan village, one of the slump area where most of the villagers were benefited from the local HOPEworldwide programs. i wanna see more of the life of the underprivileged families. i would say, giving up the luxury of sleep and sensation of shopping, to attend to this trip was indeed, and really, fruitful.

we visited some families, and stop by at the hut where the learning programs were conducted. the place was beautifully decorated, walls are well painted, you can feel the touch of love and hard work from the amount of preparations being installed by the volunteers.

the kids weren’t shy at all, you can be totally at ease playing with them!

one of the volunteering brother tells us the fact, of how the children from the slump area, has got no ambitions as they grow up. the burdens of life gives them a heavy reality check that… ambitions are simply too luxurious to afford. for most of them, they have conformed to this vicious cycle… where the children repeats the life-cycle of the parents. if your father were a fisherman, you are meant to be one too; you grow up in environment as such, you feel the same burden your parents does, you will eventually grow up doing the same. ouch, i thought… there was no source of dreams and inspiration in their lives.

i purposely chose to be standing behind all the other volunteers, as i realized my emotions are overreacting. i cried listening to the spoken truth. i knew, i just knew that, i rediscovered my Arathi.

Arathi, the boy that has been in my mind for weeks… the character that i once doubted his appearance, but now… i can’t wait to bring him alive, out from just living in my imaginations.

almost immediately, i understand how my friends weren’t able to see through my story, my Arathi. even myself, i doubted him. most of us, fortunate kids… we grew up having the luxurious of time and space to grow, dream, and have fun with our little playmates, we would have certainly face difficulties in relating to how Arathi was forced to grow up in his young age.

however, the story from the brother doesn’t just stop there. after HOPEww came into the community and introduced the learning program, it brings a drastic impact to the children’s life. having to attend the fun lessons, the children now aspires to grow up and be like the big brothers and big sisters, whom brought hope into their lives! some of them, now aspires to be teachers, doctors, and even volunteers!

it was easy to organize the kids, even though we encounter language difficulties XD

this is what we were trying to organize :)

the most touching moment, was when i spent a short while speaking to Yani, the awesome sister who works for HOPEww Jakarta… she cried together with me, just listening to the short sharing. i knew, she gave her love and spirit for the serving works, and she gave me heart-to-heart moments. she even tried her best to stay with me when the activity ended. even it’s just for a short while, it was very memorable. that, brings an impact in my life too :)

here goes my favourite boy - Cibe, we play catch, and hide ‘n seek!

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i am just very glad… that i have secured and, found my Arathi :)

in Tamil, Palam: fruit. Arathi: apple, as in, you’re the apple of my eyes.

these 2 shots are taken in uni during cinematography class, never knew uni is this beautiful when i plant my head in waves of stressful assignment moments.



bloggie, just wanna let you know, i miss you :)

is this familiar to you? fret not, here i provide you a clear direction in tackling the situation…

below is my scheduled lectures and practices…

after 31824613631 times of rearrangements… so far, i think this is the trusted copy, although the time is quite feasible to further changes.

indications:
Black - Film Major Subjects
White – Compulsory Subjects
Pale Yellow – Elective Subjects
Pale Blue - Tutorial Day
Pale Pink - Seniors’ Final Year Project
Grey - Uncertain, feel free to fill in these slots, they are open for your reservation, or… (well for most of the break times, i call them sleeping time or steal-the-library’s-internet-time)

except for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, feel free to ask me out on any evenings :)

i will still attend to emergency calls, coz i think nothing’s more important than relationships/kinship. or else, studies would be my priority, fun time can be for the weekends/leisure hours.

well, that’s all. i ♥ you for reading this!